I love the changing seasons. It is such a beautiful reminder that nothing last long. Winter is my least favorite season. I love running... Especially outside. In the winter it's often too cold to run outside, so I have to settle for an indoor track. Everything looks dead in the winter... The trees have lost their leaves & the grass is brown. However, we don't stay stuck in the winter months. Spring is coming! After the cold the rain will come & finally new life. The flowers will grow , the leaves will reappear, & the grass will be green again. The days will be warmer & the sun will stay up longer. Prior to this beauty though, we have to go through the winter months.
Lyme Disease has been like a winter season on repeat for years. Often I felt isolated even while I was surrounded by people. No matter how much I talked & processed I still felt like there was a level of pain no one could touch. It was an ache I've never known before... I couldn't express it, no matter how hard I tried. It was an ugly season!
We all face those seasons of life that cause our hearts to cry out to the Father. We demand answers & beg for comfort. We shake our fists & rebuke the pain. Sometimes these tantrums result in clear, concise answers from the only one who was ever capable of healing our hearts. Other times we are left empty & remain a puddle on the floor.
Throughout my battle I had both experiences. I longed for a God who would save me from the pain. I've known Him as my protector, provider, & sustainer for 25 years now. I wanted Him to show His power & rescue me! There was no shame in my game... I begged Him to heal me. The answers I was continually provided with were: I can sustain you! Beauty will rise from the ashes. I will bring good from the very things that were meant for evil. I had to come to the point that I could say, even if He doesn't save me. Even if I have this illness for the rest of my life, He is still good.
God did save my life, on more than one occasion but most specifically through removing the lyme bacteria from my blood stream. I am still recovering mentally, physically, emotionally, & spiritually. I don't think I will ever fully "recover" from lyme. My life won't be the same.... And that might be for the better. I have a deeper understanding & appreciation for the gift of life. Every single good day I am given is a gift. I don't want go forget how far God had brought me.
Life is hard... Faith is hard... And messy & individualistic. In so many ways we walk this life alone. Our journeys are individual. I don't know what your struggle is. I have no idea what storms you have endured or the scars your hearts have come to know. I don't understand anyone else's journey. However, I want to remind you that spring is coming! God causes the dead to live again. He is always recreating, reshaping, & redirecting. Beauty will rise from the ashes of your broken life.
Nothing is beyond repair for the creator. After all, you were made for His purpose & He never quits. He never fails!
Hold on! Hold onto the truth! Shut the world out, get quiet, & listen for the voice. Allow Him to speak truth into your pain. He is willing to take it from you. Nothing is too big for Him.
I have a beautiful little niece. When she gets scared she will run & jump in my husband's arms & exclaim "hold me!" She knows she is safe in his big arms & burley chest. I envision my own hurts in this same way...
I get to run to my Father knowing that when I exclaim "Hold me!" he will wrap me His arms & never let go.
Beauty will Rise from every storm, every tear, every broken piece of your life. Nothing is ever wasted! Nothing!