Psalm 139:23

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting."

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Today as I was walking to my 9:30 class the beautiful leaves that have changed from green to red were falling to the ground all around me. The cool wind was hitting my face & for just a moment I remembered... my God made this! The seasons change just like life changes. There's a time for everything... new beginnings & new endings every day... God by His infinite wisdom gave us physical reminders of the new beginnings He gives us daily...

I am so grateful for the new beginnings in my life & for the doors that have been shut by the one who is in control. Time & time again God has given me new beginnings with the changes of seasons. So much has changed in my life in the last year. I refer to 2010 so often as the worst year of my life, that my friends have also been referring to it as a bad year. In many ways it can correctly be called a bad year... I lost ten people in the last year & experienced several other trials. However, in the last two months God has been blessing me immensely in the year of 2010. God has a funny way of doing things. Last September when I broke up with my boyfriend, I wanted a "new" beginning. I never would've thought by any stretch of the imagination that we would ever get back together. We were great friends, but nothing more. My Grammy told me a long time ago, "Let him go if necessary. If it is meant to be he will come back to you. If you doesn't , he was never yours to begin with." So this was how I made my decision... if this is who God has planned for me in some crazy way we will get back together. And that is exactly what happened!

As the seasons change in the world, seasons change emotionally and spiritually with people. A year later Curtis & I are completely different people then we were last year. Because we serve a God of healing, we are stronger then we were. We have learned tough lessons & we have learned most importantly how to give it all to HIM.... how to give up the fight. Curtis is better at this then I am. He submits to God's wisdom easily, I have to fight until there's nothing left & then submit. I am so blessed to have a man who leads me in submission to my Father. 

Today I am thankful for the blessings of 2010 & all the blessings of the last 20 years of my life. I am thankful that I have a Nanny & Papa that are still alive to teach & love their grandkids. I am thankful for my Grammy & everything she taught me in my first 16 years of life. I am thankful for my Grandpa & the faith giant he has been & the things he has taught me through how he lives every day in spite of the loss of his soulmate. I am thankful that my Daddy is still alive 10 years after his surgery & that God acted on behalf of our family so that we could grow up with him. I am thankful for my Mom & all the wonderful things she has taught me & done for me & all the sacrifices that have been made. I am thankful for a brother who is my best friend. I am thankful for my extended family, extra families, & Curtis' family. I am thankful for an Uncle, Aunt, & cousins who have always stood beside me. I am thankful for a boyfriend who stands beside me in my ministry & works alongside me as we work for the Lord in His kingdom. I am thankful for each & every person at Contact & the ministry God has so graciously allowed me to be a part of. I am thankful for the ministers & teachers that have grown, challenged, & shaped me. I am most thankful for a God of new beginnings & closed doors. He is always there showing me clearly what He desires for my life to be. 

Thank you Lord for my family, friends, church family, & all the blessings you poured on me in the year of 2010. Thank you for new beginnings & closed doors. Thank you most of all for an empty tomb & a risen savior. May you get the glory & the praise in this life & in the life to come. 

  There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

In the last 20 years...

Well yesterday was my 20th Birthday... that's right... I'm leaving my teen years & heading onward to "adult" life. When I was younger I used to feel like 20 was so old! To be honest I still feel like 20 is really old! What is there to look forward to in adult life?... bills, responsibilities, real jobs, eating what's good for you instead of what taste good, & doing what you have to do instead of what you want to do. Anyway, I would like to share what I've learned in the last 20 years of my life...

1.) I have learned what a blessing it is to have Grandparents that support me in everything that I do! Yesterday morning my Grandpa called & sang happy birthday to me like he has all my life. He told me, "baby I have all the faith in the world in you!"  Even at 20, hearing him say those words makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. 

2.) I have learned that no matter what happens in this life I have a family that is always in my corner, always pushing me to be better, & always there to wipe the blood of my face when I get knocked down.

3.) I have learned that friends fade in & out of your life for different reasons, but God uses each friend to teach a new lesson about Him.

4.) I have learned that true love is not a giddy feeling, although it may be present at times, but rather it is being willing to stand beside the person you are with & walk through whatever life throws at both of you, while at all times keeping Heaven as your first & final goal.

5.) I have learned that the greatest teaching I will ever give in Children's Ministry will be how I live my life. "Shake & shine"

6.) When I was a little girl one of my Grammy's friends had built me a huge rocking horse. Being the little short thing that I am, my three year old self had a hard time climbing on it. Everyday my Daddy would make me try to get on the horse myself until there came a day when I could finally do it. He would always say, "kk don't quit!" Now as a grown woman (ahhh it's crazy to say that), I have an inability to quit at things I start.

7.) Growing up my Grammy always told me "smile at people. It will make them wonder what you are up to." I watched her do ministry for 16 years through her beautiful smile. Sometimes smiling through the pain is not only ministry but also healing all in it's own.

8.) I have learned that the most important thing I could ever do in my life is touch the life of a child.

9.) Through watching my Mom fight to give her 2 children everything they need I have learned true sacrifice. She has always put our well-being above her own.

10.) I have learned that it doesn't matter what people think about you. People can say things about me that are untrue & hurt my reputation, but I am the only one who will stand before the Lord & answer for my own life. In all reality the only opinion that will ever matter when it comes to my character is the One who created my inmost being.

11.) I have learned that love can be both the most painful & most rewarding emotion humans ever experience. 

12.) I have learned the truth of Jeremiah 29:11, as I have watched many times as events have had to happen in a specific order, place, & time to later bring about God's bigger purpose.

13.) I have learned that I truly can get through absolutely anything life throws at me if I am willing to just give up & allow my Lord to carry my burdens for me.

14.) I have learned that it is completely true that everything worth having is worth fighting for. 

15.) I have learned that prayer is for me.... He knows all of my words before one of them is on my tongue.

16.) I have learned that sin didn't kill Jesus... I did... I put him on a cross. I put the nails through his hands & feet & a spear through his side so that I could live as I please. Through this I have developed a new understanding of what He did for me on a personal level.

17.) I have learned the true value of hard work, be it in a job, in ministry, in the classroom, or in relationships.

18.) I have learned that in life rarely will I choose my circumstance. Things will happen that are completely unfair & I will have no control whatsoever over such events. BUT I can choose my attitude. I can choose whether people see God's glory or see my humanness through the pain.

19.) I have learned that the majority of the things in life I thought were important, in reality are of no importance whatsoever. In the end it will be the relationships that matter... my family, curtis, my friends, & my Contact kids, for these relationships are eternal!

20.) I have learned that in this life I should only have one goal.... to get to Heaven & take as many people with me as I possibly can. If I gain the whole world & yet forfeit my soul whatever time I was alloted on this earth is just a waste. 

All that being said... here's to another year... another year of laughing until your body aches, crying until there are no tears left, loving until it hurts, doing God's work in every way, & discovering what life is all about.

Lord for as long as you let this body breath help me to be about real life! Help me to be about eternal, rather then temporary, help me to be about others rather then self, help me to always look first to the cross, & most of all help me to give you the glory & the praise every day, in every circumstance, forever & ever. This is my prayer!
In Jesus Name,