Psalm 139:23

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting."

Saturday, December 5, 2015

If I told you my story...

If I Told You My Story...

I love music. Music has this way of expressing the thoughts in my head that I can't seem to verbalize. I also love sports analogies. For whatever reason that is a language that makes sense to me. As someone who spends a lot of time teaching young folks I have come to realize that we all need something that connects the dots for us. In my battle with Lyme Disease both music & analogies have been immensely beneficial.

Fortunately, I have been blessed with an amazing husband. One of the things my husband does really well is that he uses our finances to create memories. This year he decided to take me to Bedlam for my birthday. As an avid football fan I cannot even describe how excited I was about this game. We had great seats

Unfortunately, we got beat. We were outplayed on both sides of the ball. From our seats it was so "easy" to see what the problem was. Our perspective was different. We could see the whole field at any given moment. However, the players did not have that same view. Instead they were seeing glimpses of the field & furthermore they were taking hits.

What we came to realize is that our paradigm of the football game was very similar to Lyme. Often times my husband & I would get frustrated with each other. He was sitting in the stands. He loved, he encouraged, he prayed, but at the end of the day he wasn't the one taking the hits. Given that I was in the midst of the battle I had a hard time seeing past the play that was right in front of my eyes. We both wanted to WIN, but we couldn't agree on how to do so. Our experiences with this awful disease were quite different. Therefore, our thoughts, emotions, & actions were also different. We both have a different story with Lyme. Both stories are true, but they are not the same. It was an individualized journey.

Paradigms matter. Our paradigms shape how we view the world on an every day basis. The stories we tell ourselves matter. All of these things shape how we deal with the joys & trials of this life. These things affect how we deal with each other, for better or worse.

That being said, my husband shares a different side of lyme than I can. Quite frankly I still find it difficult to put that journey into words. It was so much worse than I could ever possibly describe; yet it was also beautiful beyond description.

That sounds like a complete oxymoron. It doesn't make sense this side of heaven how something so tragic could be beautiful, but it was & it is. Through my brokenness I came to know my Heavenly Father in such an intimate way. Prior to lyme I knew that God loved me. I knew that He had a plan for me & I knew that He had promised to walk through this life with me. I just don't think I understood how close He really was.

In America it is easy to depend on ourselves. My needs are taken care of daily. I didn't worry about finances or whether or not I would have somewhere to lay my head. I am comfortable... Which honestly was a scary place to be spiritually. Through lyme I became completely dependant on God. It wasn't optional. Every single day I had to rely fully on God just to make it through the day. j

Anyway, like I said earlier music is a super important part of my life. Currently Big Daddy Weave has a song entitled "My Story." It is one of my all time favorites. Every time I hear the song I am take aback. I am going to include some of the lyrics...

If I told you my story...
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
You would hear Love that never gave up
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me

The song goes on with many descriptions of what life looks like because of Jesus. What I have come to realize is that if I told you my story you would undoubtedly see Jesus Christ. He was there when no one else could be. He literally carried me & because of that I am so thankful for my story. He truly is "Immanuel" God with us. 

I may never be able to fully describe this journey but I pray that as I begin to share pieces of my story that people will see Jesus Christ. The story was never about me or lyme or a number of other things. It was about a God who loves me relentlessly.

This season as we celebrate Immanuel I would encourage you to share your own story. In the brokenness the light of the world will shine through. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. 

Psalm 18
1 I love you, Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield[b] and the horn[c] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
    and I have been saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
    the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
    the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the Lord;
    I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
    my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
    and the foundations of the mountains shook;
    they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
    consuming fire came from his mouth,
    burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
    dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
    he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
    the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
    with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The Lord thundered from heaven;
    the voice of the Most High resounded.[d]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
    with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
    and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, Lord,
    at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me

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