Although there are several things that I want in my Christian walk, what I desire more then anything is to have a personal relationship with God. In the last year, more then ever before, I have learned that sometimes having a personal relationship with God is messy. It is not always as clean cut as I feel like it should be. Even though I do believe that we are given rules & regulations to follow in having a relationship with God, I no longer believe that He wants me to be "correct" in how I handle my relationship with Him, but He wants me to be genuine.
Like any other relationship in my life, my relationship with God is like a roller coaster. There are days when I can feel his presence encompass me & I am completely fulfilled by him. On the other hand there are days when I find myself so wrapped up in sin that I can't even begin to see past where I find myself on that given day. Still yet, there are days when all I can see is the tragedy that encompassed our lives when our little Lexi passed away. Based on these three different phases of spirituality in my own walk I have been able to see that God always meets me where I am at. When I am angry He is there to listen. When I am broken He is there to heal. When I sin He is there to cleanse me. When I am at my highest point He is there encouraging me to dig deeper. All He asks is that I be honest with Him where ever I find myself. God wants a genuine, heartfelt, every day relationship, even if at times that involves being passionately honest when for one reason or another I am not where I should be spiritually.
The more I work at Contact, the more I am able to see myself in the individuals that I work with. As a minister I have been called to be the hands & feet of Jesus Christ to the children He has entrusted me to lead. Because of this I want to have a real relationship with each person I work with. I want to be able to meet them where they are at, whether it be in the midst of sin or on a mountaintop of spiritual growth. I want them to be able to openly share their heart with me & know that I will love them regardless of where they find themselves. I strive to walk into Contact every day with the realization that I am a sinner that falls short of God's expectations daily & because of this I need to deal with my own lack of commitment before I judge the people I work with.
Although there are times when the kids do things that I do not & cannot condone, I believe wholeheartedly that God is at work in their lives even in their shortcomings. God made rules & regulations for our own protection. There are natural consequences to our sin that we will encounter accordingly, but His love for His child remains the same. He has never turned His back on me & I will not turn my back on these kids! He is still at work when a girl must deal with a teen pregnancy, when the kids end up in jail for one reason or another, & still when they are disrespectful & lash out on me. I have to be open to allowing Him to work in me & through me regardless of circumstance. I am blown away by His ability to teach me through His children even in the midst of sin. I am blessed immensely by my job at Contact & could not ask for anything more! I love stepping back & watching as He counsels others & changes them into who He desires for them to be.
Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the plank our of your own eye & then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."