Psalm 139:23

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What's in a Name?

This week I have been on vacation with Lexi's family. We are staying with Donna's sister in Oregon. It has been such a great week as a family! The kids have spent time with cousins, aunts, uncles, & their Grandma. It is wonderful to see them all laughing & having a good time. But I can't help but look around & realize we are short one precious baby girl! When we drove to the airport Saturday afternoon my heart hurt because there should not be room for me in their Suburban. Lexi should be in that car too! 

Last night one of Lexi's cousins had a friend over. His mom was meeting all the kiddos & told Lauren that she had a friend named Lexi who was a lot littler then Lauren. As I watched how Lauren responded to hearing that name my heart sank! I absolutely hate hearing that name! When I hear Lexi my mind is flooded with memories. On good days I am able to remember the times she was well, her laugh, her smile, the little things she said to me, & her precious little voice. Other days are not so great, & I remember the pain of her battle with liver failure. Even still, there are times when I go back to that moment Brian told me she was gone, the hopelessness, the emptiness, the brokenness all comes pouring back & there is a pain so deep inside of me!

As I think about the effect Lexi had on my life, the effect her life still has when I hear her name, I am reminded of another name that changed my life, the name of my precious Lord! Jesus life also changed my life! This past Sunday had been five months since Lexi went to heaven. While I worshipped my Lord my mind was overwhelmed with the sacrifice He made. Because He came & lived a perfect life in a human body, died on the cross, & rose again, I have salvation! I will spend an eternity with my Lord, because a man named Jesus took the nails for me.

On my way back from summer camp with my Contact Kids one of my girl's was looking at a picture Bible. She looked up & said "Miss Kayla, why did Jesus have to die with two other people?" I was able to discuss that Jesus died with thieves, because they were sinners & He was dying for our sins. While discussing Jesus' death, I saw myself in the thieves being crucified with Him. I have been a thief! I have taken things that weren't mine to take. I have walked outside of the will of God. I have followed my own path, rather then the Lord's. And even still He looks at me & says, "Today you will be with me in paradise!" I have no way of knowing when my day will come, but I do know that there is immense power in the name of my Lord & savior Jesus Christ! Praise God that there is power in His name & power in His blood! Someday I will walk with Lexi again. Until then, I hold onto my Father like never before!

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