Psalm 139:23

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting."

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

"Sometimes He calms the storm & other times He calms His child

I am currently walking through the largest storm of my entire life! The Lord has blessed me enormously throughout my life! One of the greatest blessings He has ever given me is my extra family. Six years ago, I began babysitting for Brian & Donna Alt. They quickly made me a part of their family & I couldn't be more grateful for that. With the adding of Brian & Donna to my family, I also was given six of the most incredible children I have ever met in my life! Logan is 9, Lauren is 7, Landon is 5, Lindsey & Lexi are 3 year old identical twins, & the baby, Leland, is 2.

When the twins were just a year old we found out that Lexi had a liver problem. Even though we always had it hanging over our heads, the problem didn't seem to get better, but it didn't seem to get worse. On October 7, 2009 Lexi got really sick with an infection and had to have several blood transfusions. She was now in complete liver failure & would need to be placed on a transplant list. Her parents made the decision to have her transplanted at St. Louis Children's Hospital. Over the next several months they would make several trips between Tulsa & St. Louis for Lexi to have several surgeries.

On February 10, 2010 a liver was received for Lexi and on February 11, 2010 she was transplanted. The transplant was a success and it seemed as though God was working out a miracle for our family. Lexi even told all her nurses that God put a new liver in her belly. I was so proud of her young faith! We were all praising God like we never had before! But on February 18, 2010 our precious Lexi went to be with the Lord! She passed away from an esophagus bleed. It was completely unexpected! Now we are left with broken hearts, crushed dreams, shattered hope, and weary spirits.

For the first time in my life I don't know where to turn! I know that my God is still a God of miracles, but I am having such a hard time finding Him in this situation. No matter how hard I try to understand, the death of an innocent child makes no sense! I know He didn't make her sick, but He could've made her better! At the same time, I know that Jesus could've chose to climb off the cross, but He stayed for me, & I have to hold on to that! I feel so terrible for her family! I hurt for them all the time! Her parents are by far the best parents to ever walk on this earth and her siblings loved her with all of their hearts. Her twin doesn't understand what happened and why Lexi is no longer with us. Even with 5 other amazing children the house feels so empty. I want more then anything to have Lexi back! I don't know where we go from here or how we ever heal from this, but I do know that God has called me to trust Him in all situations. I have to trust His wisdom & His power. He loves His children! He loves Lexi more then I ever dreamed of loving her & I take comfort in knowing that He is holding her for us until we can hold her again. I am begging Him to provide us with peace, comfort, and a glimpse of understanding. Please continue to pray for us all as we continue on in the midst of the storm!

1 comment:

  1. You and Lexi's family continue to be in our prayers.